Hellth Insurance

There’s been a change in my health insurance and here – completely unretouched – is the cover of the pamphlet they sent me.  Ignoring the obvious puns about negative feelings toward healthcare…I can honestly say I find this thing f-ing terrifying.  Pretty sure the picture’s eyes are following me when I move around the...

Austintacious

Before I start, I want you to know that this story ends with me in an abandoned roadside BBQ shack in Texas, with no idea why I’m there.  Okay, here we go. So when I headed to Austin on business a week or so ago, my roommate Bill told me that a BBQ joint in the airport would be worth the trip alone.  ”It’s good,” he told me, “I mean it’s good.  You...

Right Up There With The Sarsgaard SARS Guard

My hotel room is stocked with Wolfgang Puck coffee pucks. Which I find...

Three Things I Learned From “Clash Of The Titans”

Knowing I could deny my innate love of Krakens for only so long, I finally checked out Clash Of The Titans.  In a word? Enh.  Which confounds me.  After all, if you wrote a list of reasons why this movie should be awesome, it would unfurl like one of those old-timey scrolls and roll across the room in a hilarious fashion.  Giant scorpions?  Check.  Badass monsters?  Check.  Krakens?...

The Best Movie Never Made

Inspiration struck when I caught a Dodgers game with Bill, Susannah and Kellee earlier this week.  And while I may never know if it was the stale Cracker Jacks or the flat soda that catalyzed this incredible idea, I do know that the world needs, now more than ever, its first horror-themed sports movie.  So I humbly present my loose concept for Vumpire - the story of an immortal umpire with a...