Starbucks Says It’s Christmas

I’ve been away from my apartment for about two and a half weeks, during which time my coffee maker was overrun by a mold infestation.  ”Overrun” isn’t the right word, actually – more like “conquered.”  Because we’re not talking about run of the mill mold here.  We’re talking about the kind that’s usually only seen through three-foot thick glass in a super-secret government lab filled with whooshing metal doors covered in biohazard symbols. The silver lining is that I’ve been thinking about starting to make my own penicillin, so hey – off to a running start.

Anyway, my natural inclination is to kill everyone and everything in sight before I get a cup of coffee in the morning – if only my decaffeinated body could summon the energy to clench my mighty hands into fists of steel – so I headed for Starbucks.  And since there aren’t any seasons in LA, it was terrific to learn from their festive paper cups that it’s now, without question, wintertime.  Sure you can argue about solstices and equinoxes and the whatever else the druids and Mayans used to tell the seasons apart, but Starbucks Christmas cups appearing in stores is like a precursor to Groundhog Day – see one’s shadow and winter is here to stay. And given that I’m sipping from one while I write this, allow me to be the first to wish all of you a Merry Christmas…from me and my good friend Starbucks.