R.I.P. B.T.T.F.

With today marking the final journey through space and time for the modified Deloreans in Universal’s Hollywood and Orlando theme parks, the BACK TO THE FUTURE ride is – officially – no more. Given that the adventures of Doc Brown and Marty McFly came to mean a little something to the sunny young character you see above, I have to say I’m pretty broken up about the fact that the ride’s flux capacitors are no longer fluxing.

Looking back, I suppose it’s pretty clear why the ride was the ride made such an impression on my young mind. It was, after all, the only rollercoaster I’d been on aside from “The Wild Mouse” – an antiquated wooden monstrosity housed in Vancouver’s Playland amusement park that was rumored to have beheaded hapless teen back in the 60’s. Whether the legend referred to the 1860’s or the 1960’s was a source of constant debate between myself and my brothers, further fueled every time the listing structure’s blood-baptized beams gave a painful groan under the weight of a ride car passing overhead.

It was with these brothers that I first experienced the BACK TO THE FUTURE ride, which – for the benefit of those of you who can’t foot the airfare to Universal Studios Tokyo, where the last existing ride tirelessly shuttles passengers across the space-time continuum – literally puts you in the driver’s seat on a journey to the past, present and future. Your goal is to hunt down the villainous Bif Tannen through the pages of Hill Valley’s history, then return both him and his ill-gotten time machine to the present before irreversible damage is done to the historical record. Dinosaurs, flying cars and at least – if not more than – 1.21 jigowatts are projected onto the huge Imax screen overhead, all while you and your flying Delorean are shaken like a fine martini.

We went on the ride three times in a row, completely missing the meeting with our parents at “Doc Brown’s Chicken Restaurant” (Ed. Note – always be wary of a dining establishment that actually includes “Restaurant” in its name. “Diner”, on the other hand, is completely acceptable). And even though our Dad was mad, we knew it was only because he hadn’t experienced the thrill of pursing – and capturing – a time-traveling fugitive from justice. Well, either that or because he’d eaten deep fried chicken purchased at an amusement park. Regardless, I think it’s a tragedy that someday my own kids won’t be able to stand me up in the same way.

While it’s of some consolation that the hallowed ground upon which BACK TO THE FUTURE once stood is going to be the new home of an attraction centered around THE SIMPSONS, I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for the ride that brought me the closest I’ve ever been to being a real time traveler. Fare thee well, BACK TO THE FUTURE ride. And if anyone at Universal is interested in selling me one of those eight-passenger Deloreans…I’m in the company rolodex. Seriously – let’s talk.