Mail Call

From: akstcculturalianetmnsdgs@culturalianet.com

Subject: Hey buddy, here is where I bought my new wristwatch, Check it OuT you

Date: August 7, 2007 3:21:40 AM EDT (CA)

To: land_elsewhere@mac.com

Hey Buddy

How is everything? Anyways

This is where i got my Swiss Luxury Watch

Check them out , you won’t regret it, So Nice the Rich People Watchez like the celebrities and movie stars and superstars **

The prices are amazing compared to in store, you’ll never find rebates like this.

Anyways again, if you need a new WATCH, this is definately the place, check it out before it’s too late

We’ll talk in a bit

http://www.ohfealtcvhypie.com

Thanks again

Carter Wray

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From: land_elsewhere@mac.com

Subject: Re: Hey buddy, here is where I bought my new wristwatch, Check it OuT you

Date: August 8, 2007 12:42:37 PM EDT (CA)

To: akstcculturalianetmnsdgs@culturalianet.com

Dearest Carter,

While I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit I don’t recall having met you – let alone having become your “Buddy” (with a capital ‘B’, no less!) – your friendly and personal email leaves me no choice but to conclude that we’ve shared many chats by the fire, summers by the lake and endless nights locked in one another’s forbidden embrace.

First, allow me to thank you for your kind recommendation! Since you know me so well, you’re “definately” (poor spelling was one of our inside jokes, wasn’t it? It’s all coming back to me!) aware that I’ve always wanted to be like the “celebrities and movies stars and superstars”. Or, at the very least, one of the synonymous three (wield that thesaurus like a pro, oh learned contemporary!) I especially appreciate the double asterisks following “superstars”, placed there as if to accentuate the starry nature of said earthbound Gods. For what mortal man wouldn’t sell his soul, firstborn child and the soul of his firstborn child to be like them for just one day? And you, kind sir, have given me a chance to do just that. How? Simply by investing in a “new WATCH” like yours!

To say I’m in your debt, dear Carter, is an understatement on par with referring to Hitler as mildly irritable. And, as a small token of my appreciation, I’m petitioning the Vatican for your canonization as the Patron Saint of “Rich People Watchez.” Should my letters to the Cardinal continue to go unanswered, I’ll have no choice but to turn my back on my God, His church and all that I hold dear so that I might bask in Your reflected glow.

Needless to say, I live and breathe for that moment that your promise that “we’ll talk in a bit” comes to fruition.

Yours in time (get it? Like one of Your watches!)

- Ryan