Races Can Ruin

Fact of the day: ‘Races Can Ruin’ is an anagram for ‘Car Insurance’.

How do I know that? Well, the short answer is that I’ve been spending a scary amount of time thinking about car insurance lately. The long answer involves why.

Like a lot of people out there, listening to the radio on my way in to work is one of the old standbys of my patented morning routine. But lately, it seems like the airwaves are less about the rockin’ and more about the talkin’…about car insurance. Just think about it. It used to be an ad here or there, but we’ve officially reached the point where AAA, AIS and Progressive should be on the “Top 10” for most of the stations out there. And what’s worse is how sneaky they’re getting about it – like those ads that are staged calls with station DJ’s, who are scary happy to hear about a caller’s great experience buying car insurance. I’m not saying that insurance can’t put a smile on someone’s face, I just kind of doubt its ability to induce “administering personality tests on Hollywood Boulevard” levels of bliss. So what’s with the full court press? The answer can only be MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE.

For the uninitiated, MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE is a 1986 neo-luddite classic about machines – presumably mad about having their buttons pushed one too many times – rising up to destroy humanity once and for all. Suitably ironic deaths ensue as cigarette machines kill smokers and ATM’s kill bankers, all while a pre-Mighty Ducks Emilio Estevez outruns explosions to a grinding soundtrack courtesy of AC/DC. Ah, the 80’s.

But it got me thinking…what if Stephen King’s trademark brand of literary subtlety is, in fact, a frightening window into the future? And what if auto insurance companies have pinpointed when this ‘Industrial Revolution’ is going to go down? Figuring you’re less likely to worry about the comprehensive on your ’86 Buick Roadmaster when it’s transformed into a bloodthirsty killing machine (even moreso than it already is), they’re stepping up the ads to cash in while they can.

If the sheer volume of insurance commercials on the airwaves is any indication, the machine apocalypse is almost upon us. And even though we could all be mere hours – if not minutes – away from some hilariously fitting end, try to take solace in the fact that the machines that hunt down those insurance company advertisers will be in peak condition, all thanks to insurance policies from AAA, AIS and Progressive.